Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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