p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
