I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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