I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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