Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michael Bay diarrhea
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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