Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
