its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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