I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
