My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
