is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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