wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
