Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Semen is not good for contacts.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
