I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
