Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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