If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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