I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
