You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
