So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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