He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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