i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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