I wish I could punch you in the face.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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