Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
