The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
