Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
