ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
