It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
