He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
