i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
