does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
