Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
