I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
