I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
