she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
