i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
