The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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