Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
