Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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