I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
