I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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