ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
