the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
