You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
