Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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