so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
