If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
