My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
