it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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