peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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