My brain says no but my pants say off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
