Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
